


Hound of Slutserville

by FernStone (orphan_account), ShittyAiWriting (orphan_account)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Funny, Its Only Crack, M/M, Mostly Written By An AI, No Plot/Plotless, Weird Mystery, trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:28:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/FernStone, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ShittyAiWriting
Summary: The adventures of Watson Fondle and Shag Holmes, two daring detective trying to find Moriarty.[Cowritten with AI Dungeon]
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 13
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written by playing AI Dungeon. The > are bits inputted by me with suggestions from friends.
> 
> We figured it was entertaining enough to become fic. Expect to be very confused about what's going on and who's who. Part 2 soon.

You are Detective Watson Fondle, a detective living in Chicago. You have a pistol and a police badge. You enter the forest where you believe the criminal you're searching for fled to. Suddenly , you hear a gunshot from behind you.

> I follow the sound of the gunshot, gun drawn

You turn around quickly and see that you've been followed by a man with a shotgun. He shoots at your feet, but misses as you duck down and run away. The man continues following you until he runs out of bullets or the sun goes down.

> I turn around and shoot him in the head

You fire several shots into the back of his head, killing him instantly.

> I call into the police station. "I caught the murderer. He tried to kill me but now he's dead."

You call into the police station, "I just shot someone who tried to kill me! I'm not going anywhere!"  
The dispatcher answers, "Hello? Hello?"  
"Yeah," you answer.  
"Who was it?

> "Moriarty, I am Detective Watson Fondle and he resisted my arrest. So now he's dead."

"Oh, good job," she says. "We'll send an officer right away."  
You hang up and sit on the bench for awhile before calling again, "What do we do now?

> I grab my partner's hand, Detective Shag Holmes, and we go to find another case.

"Let's go get another murder case," you say.  
"Wait, what about Moriarty?"  
"He needs to be found first. We need to get this information out there so we can track him down."  
"Okay, let's go find some more murders then,"

> We go find another murder. Shag Holmes rips into a stupid cop and we feel better about ourselves because of it.

After the two of us catch a few more criminals, we start thinking that maybe Moriarty is responsible for all these crimes. Then one night when we were working late, Moriarty walks into our office and starts talking to me like nothing ever happened.

> "Why are you here?" I ask Moriarty, hand on my gun

"Because I wanted to talk to you about something important," he replies.  
"About what?"  
"My brother, John, has been murdering people since he was a kid. He killed his mother when she wouldn't give him candy money.

> "John? As in John Big Dick Moriarty? The man himself? He's dead."

"No, he died last year. My dad had to bury him. It was really sad."  
"That's terrible...what happened?"  
"It was a freak accident. My brother accidentally shot himself while trying to put a bullet in his own throat.

> "That doesn't sound like an accident. That sounds like suicide."

"Well, I don't know if it was suicide..."  
"How could he not know that the bullet went through his neck?"  
"He didn't mean to kill himself. He just thought it would make him look cool."  
"So how did you learn about this?

> i tap my cheek and call over Shag Holmes. "What do you think about this, Holmes?"

"I don't know anything about it. I only heard about it from Moriarty."  
"Then why did you come here?"  
"Because you're the best detective in town, and I want to help you solve this crime."  
"And how does that work exactly?

> "But you're the best detective, Holmes, not me," I shake my head

"Look, I'm sorry, but I've got to go. If you want me back, you'll have to pay me well."  
"Fine. But if this is a scam, then you should tell your customers that they're being scammed.

> I shake my head and head to the cop center. If Shag Holmes doesn't want to come with me, screw him.

You walk along the street until you reach the cop center. You enter and see Moriarty sitting at a desk. He looks up as soon as he sees you.  
"Hey, Sherlock!" he calls out, but it comes off sounding bored.  
"Hi,"

> "I'm not sherlock. I'm Watson Fondle.

"Oh, you're Sherlock Holmes' sidekick! And who the hell are you?"  
"Just a guy I met today. A friend of mine said you needed someone to chat with during your shift."  
Moriarty looks at you for awhile before replying.

> "I'm Watson. Not his sidekick, his fondle friend. Now, Jerk Moriarty, hand yourself in and I won't have to fondle you too."  
Moriarty stares at you for a moment before saying "Okay, okay. Just hand yourself in." 

You leave the cop center and head home. You get some sleep and wake up early to take care of some things around the house.

> I go back to the cop center and look for Holmes

You go back to the cop center and find Moriarty there again. This time, he seems more interested in talking to you than usual.  
"So, you're Sherlock Holmes' new assistant? What makes you think I can trust you?

> "Where's Sherlock Holmes?"

"He's dead. I killed him."  
"Whoa, hold on! How'd you do it?"  
"I tapped my cheek and called over Shag Holmes. He told me to shoot myself in the chest.

> "You killed Shag Holmes? How could you?!" I cried

"I'm not going to ask you questions. I'm going to be very sad when I die, so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts."  
"Alright, alright... But what happened after that?

> I fall over crying. Sherlock Holmes is dead? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Well, I went to my car and found a gun. Then I shot myself in the chest."  
"How many times?"  
"A lot."

> "but you seem fine now?"

"Yeah, I'm fine now. It was fun while it lasted though."  
"What about Shag Holmes?"  
"He died too."

> "You're wrong," I storm out and look for Shag Holmes.

"No, no, no! That's not true. I really did cry when I found out Sherlock was dead. It was pretty hard for me to accept that he wasn't coming back."  
"You didn't know? Did you try to contact him or something?

> I leave in tears screaming "Shag, shag! Come back to me! Sherlock! My love, but fondle friend! Return to me."

"Fine, whatever. I guess we'll never see each other again."  
You walk away from the cop center and begin walking down the street. You stop in front of a store and open up its door. Inside, you find a woman holding her stomach in pain.

> Because I'm a doctor I realise she's giving birth. So I carry her to the hospital like a hero and deliver the baby for her.

You pick up the pregnant woman and carry her inside the store. She looks at you with surprise, but accepts your help.  
"Thank you!" she says as she holds onto your shirt tightly. "It means a lot to me."

> "Don;t worry," I say in a deep voice. "Just doing the work of a good detective. Now, give birth."

The woman nods and begins to push. As you hold her in place, she gives birth to a tiny human being.  
"Oh my god..." the woman cries as she cradles the child in her arms. "My son!

> "Congratulations! What's his name?" I smile down at the new mother#

"His name is John. And he's beautiful."  
"Good luck with everything, dearie."  
She smiles and kisses you on the lips before leaving the store.

> I touch my lips with a smile and then buy the cigarettes I came for. I go to the alley outside and smoke edgily.

You take a drag off your cigarette and exhale slowly.  
"I think I need some sleep."  
"Sure, why don't you come live here with me?"

> I look at the homeless man who asked me. "No."

"Why not?"  
"Because I can't stand people sleeping on the streets."  
"Okay, well what about you?"  
He shrugs. "I don't want to be around them either."  
"That's okay," I say.

> I then hunt for Shag Holmes, for he is my flatmate. But I lost my key and need him to get me back in.

"Well, I guess I'll just stay here until I find it."  
"Great!"  
I head home and enter my apartment. When I arrive, the lights are on and the TV is playing a movie. The room smells clean and fresh.

> "Shag Holmes? Are you there?"

"Yes, yes I am."  
I turn on the TV and see a news report about the recent murder of an actor named Shag Holmes. Apparently, he was murdered by two men while watching a movie in his car. There is also a picture of one of the killers.

> "This is you on the news? But you're alive?" I look at Shag Holmes, confused.

"Yeah, that's me."  
I sigh and sit down on the couch. "So...you're Shag Holmes?"  
"Yep. How did you know?"  
"Because I'm a detective and I always follow clues wherever they lead.

> "Well I'm Detective Watson Fondle. It's very nice to meet you, Shag Holmes," I hold out my hand for him to shake.

"Thank you, sir." He takes my hand and shakes it firmly. Then he walks over to the window and stares out into the night sky. After a few minutes, he comes back to me. "So...what do we know so far?"  
I nod.

> "Moriarty is pulling the strings behind our back. We need to stop him, Shag Holmes. Only the two of us can do it."

"But how will we do it?"  
"We need to catch Moriarty red handed. If we can catch him, he won't be able to pull this shit anymore."  
"What if he escapes from jail?"  
I shrug.

> "We'll find him again and kill him," I say in a deep voice.

"Fine, but I'm not doing it alone."  
I walk over to the door and open it. A tall woman wearing a black dress steps out. She looks like she could be any girl your sister or cousin would be if they were more attractive than your mom.

> "Who are you? Is that Incest Adler?"

"My name is Detective Fondle, and this is my girlfriend, Incest Adler."  
She smiles at me. "Nice to meet you."  
Her eyes are wide as saucers when she sees me.  
"Incest Adler..." she says softly.

> "Incest Adler, let me introduce you to Shag Holmes," I indicate to my partner. "My name is Detective Watson Fondle."

"Oh, that's right. My name is Incest Adler too."  
"Incest Adler, this is Detective Fondle and Shag Holmes."  
She nods her head slowly. "Wow! That's some family resemblance you guys have."

> "What?" I say, looking at Shag Holmes. "The two of us aren't related."

"No, no, we aren't."  
"Then what the hell are you?" She blushes. "Look, I don't want to fight. Let's go inside and talk."  
She leads us through the front door and up a flight of stairs.

> I follow her and sit down. Shag Holmes sits next to me with his arm around my shoulders. "We need to get out of here," I whisper to him

"Yeah, yeah. We need to get out of here," he replies. We enter the kitchen and I ask Incest Adler where we should go next.  
"Do you think we should just leave town?" she asks.

> "You should leave," I say. "Me and Shag Holmes will stay here and catch Moriarty."

"That's pretty smart, but...we might not make it that long."  
"It's all we got. We've been working together since we were kids. What choice do we really have?" She puts her arms around me and hugs me tightly.

> I push her away. "Get off me, you foul woman." I then grab Shag Holmes and kiss him soundly. "Me and Shag Holmes are together. You can't get in between that."

Incest Adler grabs my hands and squeezes them.  
"Let's go!" she exclaims. We walk outside and look at each other.  
"Where do we start?" I ask Incest Adler.

> I leave Incest Adler on the streets alone. Me and Shag Holmes go to the cop center together.

Incest Adler shakes her head. "There's nothing for us here. There isn't even anyone who wants to help us."  
Shag Holmes frowns. "Well, there's always the police station."  
"No, we're going home now,"

> I shake my head. "Go home Incest Adler. Me and Shag Holmes will go the cop center. Goodbye."

"Goodbye," she whispers before walking away. I turn back to Shag Holmes.  
"So, did you know anything about this Moriarty guy?" I ask him.  
He shrugs his shoulders. "Not much except that he was an asshole."

> "That's not much to go on," I shake my head. "Where should we start looking for him?"

"Well, if he's still alive, I'd try the police station."  
"But how would we find him there?" I sigh.  
"How do you think? He'll be hiding somewhere in the basement or something."

> "ok, let's go." I lead Shag Holmes to the cop center and find the basement.

As we search the basement, Shag Holmes starts to speak. "This place looks like it has been used as a hideout for years."  
"Moriarty is probably there," I reply. "If he's anywhere near the cops, he'd be dead by now."

> I investigate the basement.

We find a large room filled with bookshelves and papers. A light shines from above the floorboards and I hear some noise coming from below.  
"What's going on?" Shag Holmes says. "Is someone in trouble down there?"  
I nod. "Maybe."

> "We need to get down there."

We descend into the darkness and crawl through the pipes until we reach a ladder leading up to the ceiling.  
"Can you climb up there?" Shag Holmes asks.  
I shake my head. "The pipe leads up to the roof so it's dangerous."

> I continue to climb down until we reach the noise. "Be careful, Shag."

We crawl along the pipe and reach a point where we can see the lights of a street below. The noise comes from there.  
"Are they shooting?" Shag Holmes asks. "Or maybe they're just playing music."

> "I think they're shooting."

We move forward and find ourselves in a dark alleyway. We both jump onto the ground and peek around corners.  
"They're shooting," I whisper. "Someone's got a gun."  
I hear a shot and feel the pain shoot through my leg.

> "I've been shot!" I scream and pull out my gun. "Shag, get them!"

I fire off a burst at the nearest mannequin. It falls over and stops moving. I quickly run back to the house and tell Shag Holmes what happened.

> "Shag you'll never believe it! Moriarty set a killer mannequin on me."

I walk inside the house and find Shag Holmes sitting on the couch. He stares at me. "Did you really kill that mannequin?"  
"Yeah, but I'm not sure why."  
"It wasn't Moriarty," he replies. "It was a hit."

> "It wasn't?" I collapse on the couch next him.

"No, it wasn't. But I guess you could understand why he did it."  
I sit next to him and look at his face. His eyes are closed and his lips are pursed together. I lean closer to kiss him.

> "Shag, I've always meant to tell you what you mean to me," I kiss Shag Holmes.

He opens his eyes and smiles. "I knew it."  
We embrace each other and then fall asleep.  
(To Be Continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2: Sex, Marriage and Lawyer Debates

> Me and Shag Holmes wake up the next morning.

The sun is shining brightly when we emerge from our beds. Shag Holmes stands before us. He has a towel wrapped around him and looks very tired.   
"Where'd you go?" I ask.   
"Just to get something for breakfast," he says, rubbing his eyes.

> "I know what I want for breakfast," I lick my lips

"Well, you don't have to do anything. Just come with me."   
We walk outside and I lead him towards the kitchen. As we enter, I notice a large refrigerator filled with food. There are bags of chips and candy stacked nearby as well as boxes of cereal and milk.

> "Shag, why's there a head in the fridge?"

"That's my brother Frank," he replies. "My dad left him here when he moved out."   
"Why would your father leave?" I ask.   
"He had a bad heart attack last year and died two days after he was released from the hospital."

> "Ok," I shake my head. "What about your brother, Myass Holmes? How is he?"

"Fine," he says. "But he hasn't seen his mom since she left."   
I nod and turn to Shag Holmes. "So where are you going to be staying?

> "You can stay with me," I say, licking my lips seductively.

"Oh yeah, I like that," he responds. "Let's go."   
We follow Shag into the living room and then into his bedroom. The bed is made and there are several pictures hanging on the wall.

> I put the head down on the desk and let Shag Holmes lead me to his bed.

As we move through the room, I feel myself getting wetter and wetter. It feels so good. We reach the bed and Shag Holmes sits down on it while I lie down beside him.   
"Do you mind if I take off this shirt?" he asks.

> "Go ahead," I say with a smile. My dick is hard and wet.

"You're not really asking are you?" he asks.   
I nod and slide my hands down my body until they find their way under my boxers. I slowly lower them until they touch the base of my cock. Then I begin stroking it gently.

> "How do you want me, Shag?" I ask

"Fuck you!" he exclaims. "I want you inside me right now! Now!"   
With those words, Shag Holmes grabs my wrists and begins to pull them apart. His fingers wrap around my shaft and he starts pumping it up and down.

> "Oh, Shag," I moan as my hand finds his dick.

His grip is strong but gentle at the same time. He strokes my cock slowly and lovingly as he pumps it up and down. He doesn't rush things; instead, he takes his time to enjoy every inch of me.

> "Shag, I need you inside of me," I moan, wiggling my ass temptingly

"Yeah, fuck me harder!" he shouts.  
"Please, just fuck me!" I plead.  
"Fuck you too," he answers. "Come on baby, give it to me."

> "Come on, Shag, fuck me," I moan and stick a finger inside my ass to prepare myself as I still stroke his cock

The first thrust is incredible. I'm so turned on by this guy fucking me that I start grinding against him. As soon as he shoots his load deep inside of me, I grab his hips and keep riding him until he pulls out and lays next to me.

> "Oh that was so good, Shag," I moan. "We should go another round. It's your turn." I gently slip a finger in his ass.

"Yeah, sure," he replies.   
"Can you come over here?" I ask. He nods and walks over to the couch. He sits down and I lay back down on it. He gets between us and unzips my pants and begins sucking on my dick once again.

> "Oh Holmes," I grip his hair. "I want to be inside of you." I grip his ass.

My eyes roll back in my head as I groan loudly. I don't know what else to do except submit completely to this man who has been giving me pleasure for the past few hours.   
"Mmmm, yes Holmes," I moan as he continues to suck on my dick.

> "Mmmmmm Holmes," I moan as I cum inside his mouth.

I hold my breath as I feel my balls tighten and release a torrent of hot semen into Holmes' mouth. The two of us collapse onto the couch and fall asleep together. The next day, we wake up to see that the sun is shining brightly outside.

> "Holmes," I gasp softly and hug him. "I don't want to get up but we must find Moriarty."

"What? We can't leave yet!" Sherlock says.   
"No, we must stay here," I reply. "Let's go find Moriarty."   
Sherlock looks disappointed. "But...but…

> "I'm sorry, Shag Holmes, we can fuck again later," I sadly remove myself from his arms and get dressed.

"Okay, okay, let's go!" Sherlock says. We walk through the streets of London and finally reach the scene of our last encounter with Moriarty. It is a small cottage on an island off the coast of Scotland called Blackwall Island.

> "How did we get to Scotland?" I ask, confused  
> "Holmes?"

"Yes, how did we get to Scotland?" I ask.   
"Well, after we killed Moriarty, I went back home and got a plane ticket," Sherlock explains.   
"So where is England?

> "England got seperated in the great flood, didn't it?"

"That's right, Holmes," Sherlock responds.  
"And Scotland got separated too?"   
"Scotland got seperated in the great flood, but England stayed together," Sherlock says.   
We continue walking along the shoreline and eventually arrive at a small dock.

> "Shag Holmes," I say, getting down on one. "I, Watson Fondle, would like to ask your hand in marriage."

"Huh? Oh no! No, no, no!" Sherlock exclaims.   
"I'm not doing anything with you. You're just going to marry me."   
"Why not?" I ask.   
"Because I'm married already!" Sherlock protests.

> "Who are you married to?" I gasp, betrayed.

"To my wife Mary Morstan," Sherlock answers.   
"Wait, why are you married to her?" I ask.   
"She was the only woman who ever loved me!" Sherlock says proudly. I look at him in disbelief.

> "But I loved you! Is it because I'm a man?"

"No, it's because you're a fucking idiot!" Sherlock exclaims.   
I sigh and shake my head. Then suddenly I realize what he meant when he said I was married to her.

> "I'm not married, Shag, so we can marry!"

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Sherlock gushes. "Now come on, let's get married."   
I stand there stunned by this revelation. He walks over to me and puts his arm around me. He kisses me deeply before pulling away. "Sorry about that,"

> "It's ok," I sniff. "Let's get married right away, Shag, my love."

Sherlock smiles and nods.   
"Alright then, let's get married," he says. The next day, we get married in the church on Blackwall Island. We both wear black suits and white shirts for the ceremony.

> It is the happiest day of my life. "I see now why you wanted to come to Scotland."

After the wedding, we go our separate ways. I return to London and Sherlock goes back to Baker Street. The rest of the time is spent working as an inspector for the Metropolitan Police Department. It's a good job, but it isn't quite enough to make up for losing Moriarty.

> But it's okay, but me and Shag Holmes live together happily married. Until! Incest Adler bursts into our house

"What do you want?" Shag asks.   
"My name is Inspector John Anderton, and I've been sent here to investigate your relationship with Sherlock Holmes."   
"I don't know what you're talking about," Shag says.

> I look up, confused. "Shag and Sherlock are the same person. I am Watson Fondle-Holmes, and he is now Shag Sherlock Fondle-Homes"

"Ah yes, the old story. What happened?"   
"Well, I had a son named James Anderton, and I gave birth to another child named Shag Holmes. And then one day my husband died in office and my other son James took over as chief of police.

> I'm confused. "Leave our house now."

Anderton leaves, and I follow after him.  
"So how did you find out about us?" I ask.   
"We were married in a church," Anderton explains.

> "So are most people."

"Yes, but I'm sure you already knew that."   
"That's because most people aren't married to each other," I reply.   
"And yet you're saying we are?"   
"Perhaps," I answer. "But perhaps also because we have children."

> "No we don't, I don’t know you," I frown. "I'm married to Shag Holmes not you."

"I didn't mean to offend you," Shag says.  
"Look, I just don't understand why you would be interested in Sherlock Holmes. You seem like such a nice guy."   
"Because he's intelligent and funny at times, yes."   
"You think he's gay?"

> "Shag are you cheating on me with Sherlock?"

"Of course not," Shag replies.   
"Then why did you tell me all this?"   
"Because if you found out that I was having an affair with Sherlock, you'd probably try to kill me."   
"I wouldn't do that!" I exclaim.

> "Is that why you talked to Incest Adler?" I exclaim, hurt and upset

"He told me everything, and I can't believe you believed him. He said you were married to Sherlock Holmes."   
"I wasn't married to him," I insist.   
"Oh no, you weren't! You had a baby with him!

> "I'm married to you, Shag Holmes!" I cry. "But you had a baby with Sherlock Holmes!"

"Why would I lie? We're both married to you!"   
"Yes, but we're not married to each other."   
"Are you going to marry me or not?"   
"I suppose so..."   
"How could I refuse?" I exclaim. "I love you."

> "But we're already married, Shag?!"

"Yes, but we're still not married to each other!"   
"Okay, then I guess we'll never be married."   
"Never?" I ask. "Are you serious?"   
"Well... maybe..." Shag admits. Later…

"What did you want to talk about?" I ask.   
"Nothing much," Shag says. "Just wanted to make sure you weren't lying."   
"Okay, well let's get started then."

> "What are we getting started with?"

"Well, as you might've noticed, I live here."   
"Really?"   
"Yeah. That's where my wife lives too. She has the same job as me and she helps out around the place when she can."   
"She does?" I ask.

> "You have a wife? But Shag, we are married. HOW COULD YOU."

"It's complicated," Shag explains. "We're not really married though. We just share a bed sometimes."   
"Wait, what?" I ask.   
"Well, it's simple enough for you to understand," Shag says.

> "But we're married, that's cheating," I cried. "Shag Holmes! How could you?"

"That's not how it works, honey. It's complicated."   
"I don't understand anything!" I protest.

> "And you never explain it to me!"

"Look, I won't deny that I have a wife. But she doesn't know about our relationship. In fact, she thinks we're just friends."   
"Friends?

> "You're not making it better, Shag! Who is she?"

"No, honey. I'm sorry if this comes off like a confession, but it isn't. Besides, we're not exactly lovers either."   
"So you're saying I'm married to someone else?"   
"Well... sort of."   
"Who?

> "But we got married. I have the documentation to prove it. We changed our names."

"Oh, yes. Yes, that was part of the marriage ceremony. The paperwork is all there too."   
"So who is she?"   
"Her name is Mary. And her real name is Mary Watson."   
"Mary Watson? Is she your wife?

> "But your name is Shag Holmes?"

"Yes, but my husband's name is Shag Holmes. He's my husband now."   
"How do you know he isn't cheating on you?"   
"Because I checked. And I found nothing wrong."   
"Then why didn't you tell me before?

> I sigh. It's a hard life being Detective Watson Fondle.

"Sorry, honey. I guess I just thought you were married to him."   
"Heh, yeah. So what's next?"   
"Next up is going to the hospital because they need more money for their ward budget."   
"The hospital? What happened?

> I sigh. Holmes really doesn't want to talk to me. Me, Watson Fondle, his husband. He doesn't love me anymore

"My husband went into labor last night. I had to go check on him immediately."   
"Last night? Last NIGHT?!"   
"Yes, honey. Last night. My husband called me at work and said he was having contractions again and needed to see me right away.

> "BUT IM YOUR HUSBAND."

"What?! No! I mean, no, but..."   
"Yes, you are. Now get out here so I can help you." You leave the room and head back to Sherlock's office where Mary is waiting patiently for you.

> "Who are you?" I ask Mary

"Sherlock Holmes' wife. I'm sure you've heard of him by now."   
"I haven't, but I will soon."   
"Good luck with the case, honey. Good luck with everything." Mary smiles and nods as she goes over to hug you tightly.

> I push her away. "But I'm Sherlock Holmes' husband."

"Now, now, don't fight. Just let me take care of this."   
"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."   
"Alright then, alright then. Let's go get some sleep together."

> "ok," I let Holmes lead me to bed.

Mary smiles and kisses you goodbye as you walk down the hall to your bedroom. She turns around and walks back towards the elevator, which opens up. "Goodnight, Mrs. Fondle."   
You nod and close your eyes as the elevator doors close behind you.

> "It's Mr Fondle!" I scream

"Hello, Mr. Fondle." You turn around and run to grab the revolver from its holster on your side table. You quickly shoot the man twice in the chest as he falls backwards onto his face hitting his skull against the floor.

> "Holmes! I just killed someone!" I scream

"Hah! That's good, that's good!" You fire several times at the man who lies dead on the floor. The gunshots ring out through the house as you continue firing until all bullets have been emptied from your gun.

> "SCREW YOU RANDOM MAN WHO TRIED TO KILL ME," I scream

"Well done, my dear Watson. Now you know how it feels to kill a real murderer." You pull out your revolver and aim at the man's head. As you do so, you hear footsteps running down the hallway toward your door.

> "Who's that?" I spin around

"That's Sherlock Holmes. He came to visit me yesterday."   
"Oh...good." You open the door and find yourself staring at one of the greatest minds in history standing before you.

> "Oh, Holmes you're here. Dinner's ready."

"Ah yes, dinner's ready. Come in." You enter the dining room and see Mary sitting at a large round table with two other men dressed in black suits. One of them is holding a silver tray while the other holds an empty glass.

> "Who are you all?" I ask, possessively holding Sherlock Holmes' hand.

"My name is Dr John H. Watson, and I am the surgeon-in-charge of this hospital."   
"Doctor? Is that right?

> "WHAT," I scream. "But I'm Detective Watson Fondle, formerly known as Dr John H. Watson. I am you. Leave."

"I'm afraid I can't leave you alone like this. My name is Dr John H. Watson, and I am your husband."   
"No, no, no! We've only just met today! And we haven't even had sex yet!

> "I don't understand," I cry. "Sherlock Holmes is my husband. Shag Holmes is my husband. Now you are too??"

"Yes, but what about your husband?"   
"He is not married to me, Watson. He has never been married to me."   
"So why did you marry him then?"   
"Because he was my husband. But now you must come with us."

> "ok," I let Holmes and Watson lead me to their bed.

"Come on, let's go back to our bedroom."   
"Why?"   
"To get changed into our nightgowns."   
"What for?"   
"For a little secret we've got planned. It will be fun and exciting for both of us."

> "ok," I watch Holmes and Watson strip naked. I am hard.

"Now, we'll start by having some fun. Then when you've recovered a bit more, we can talk about our plans."   
"Ok," I say reluctantly. They take turns fucking each other while I lie there watching them.

> "can i join?"

"Not tonight, my love. Tonight we need to keep things simple."   
"Can't you make exceptions for me?"   
"It would be wrong of me to allow such a thing. Besides, you'd have to be willing to risk getting pregnant.

> "But I';m a man"

"Well, it doesn't matter. As long as you're willing to put up with being penetrated by a penis every once in awhile, then I suppose we could consider you a proper husband."   
I nod eagerly. "Goodnight my love."

> I join Holmes and Watson as they have sex

"Goodnight my love."   
"Goodnight my love."   
"Goodnight my love."   
"Goodnight my love."   
"Goodnight my love."   
The next day, you wake up early and head out of the house.

> I go to the cop centre

You walk along the street towards the police station. The sun is shining brightly outside, making everything look pretty. You see people walking around, talking and laughing. There are also many cars driving down the road; you wonder if they know anything about what happened yesterday…

> I am hard thinking about all the sex I had with Shag Holmes

Suddenly, you feel a hand grab your cock through your pants. You jerk awake immediately, looking over at Sherlock who is still asleep in his chair.   
"Shit!" you shout. "Who the hell are you?"   
"My name is John Watson."   
"Oh."

> "But I thought you were Sherlock. And why is your chair in the middle of the street?"

"Because that's where I woke up."   
"And you're wearing my clothes?"   
"Of course."   
"Then how come I'm not?

> I realise I'm naked in the middle of the street

"Yeah, well I was dreaming too. Anyway, I think we should get going." You and Sherlock walk along the street. Suddenly, you stop walking and turn around to face him. He looks surprised by this action.   
"Where do you want to go?" he asks.

> "The cop centre. I heard they have a bdsm dungeon."

"Really?"   
"Yes, really."   
"What are you talking about?

> "cmon," I drag Shag Holmes to the cop centre. There, Moriarty sits. "Moriarty!" I scream, "Why are you here?"

"Heh heh. Well, I guess you can call me that. Now let's start off slow." You and Sherlock begin to kiss each other passionately. It feels so good! The two of you continue kissing until you both climax together.

> I realise Moriarty watched us climax together in the cop centre.

"Okay, okay, calm down," you say.  
"Let's just take a break for now." Sherlock does likewise. They lie there in silence for quite some time before you speak again.   
"So, what did you find out?"   
"Nothing much really."

> We are in jail for indecent exposure. But it's ok, the cops like to watch us fuck. So does Moriarty.

"Well, I found out that you're a very rich man."   
"That's great!" you exclaim. "I'll bet he has lots of money to throw at lawyers whenever we screw up."   
"No, no. That's not it..."   
"Is it?

> "We can't get out of here," I lament. "Moriarty will never allow it. He wants you for himself."

"Hmmm, yes, I suppose you could be right. Let's try something else then." You and Sherlock get up from our seats and move into one of the rooms on the second floor. A few moments later, you hear a door open upstairs.   
"Hey Sherlock,"

> "Moriarty?" I scream, grabbing Sherlock and pulling him back.

"What?"   
"Come on, come on!"   
"Wait, wait, I know what you mean," Sherlock says. "Just tell me what's going on."   
"It's nothing important. Just someone coming to see you.

> "It's Moriarty."

"Who?"   
"Oh, you know. The guy who killed my father and took over the world."   
"How did you even..."   
"I told you already, I don't need to explain myself to anyone anymore."   
"What?!

> "Sherlock," i sigh. "He killed you too.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, he did."   
"But...but why?!"   
"Because I'm tired of being his puppet."   
"And?

> "And, we need to escape," I look directly at the camera and sigh.

"You've got to be kidding me!"   
"I am telling you, Sherlock, because if you aren't listening to me, then you should be."   
"Then listen to me. We need to escape."   
"Yeah, but how?

> "Lets fuck our way out," I strip for the cops. "Cmon Shag Holmes."

"Um, okay. Okay."   
"Now come on, let's go!"   
"Shit! What the hell is this?"   
"This is your room. Come on, let's get dressed."

> I refuse and run out into the streets naked

"Fuck you!" I cry as they grab me by the arms and drag me away. The next day, you arrive at the police station. There are two detectives waiting for you. One of them looks like he's about your age, with short brown hair and glasses.

> "Why am I here? My name is Detective Watson Fondle I work here!"

"Yes, yes, yes. Your name is Sherlock Holmes. And you're wanted for indecent exposure."   
"For what?"   
"For exposing yourself in front of women in the park yesterday afternoon."   
"WHAT?!

> "But my name isn't that its Watson Fondle. But yes, I did expose myself," I wink.

"Well, now you do. Now we need to talk about how you're going to pay for your lawyer."   
"My lawyer is dead."   
"Dead? Oh dear god no. Dead people can't afford lawyers. They just die.

> "Well I could pay you another way," I wink at the detective around my age

"That's not a good idea. If it was, you wouldn't have done it."   
"So? How else am I supposed to pay for my lawyer?"   
"If you want to kill somebody, you can't afford a lawyer. You need money to buy one.

> I shake my head. "Look, detective. I am offering you my body. Do you want it or not? Watson Fondle is a well respected, well hung man. Everyone wants a piece of this even you."

"Okay, okay. Let's try this again."   
"Good. Then you'll get your lawyer, but only if you agree to become a professional killer. You will be paid $50,000 for every murder you pull off."   
"Hmmm...okay…

> Why can't I be prostitute instead?"

"No, no, no. That won't work either. The law says prostitutes are not allowed to be lawyers."  
"What the fuck? Is it because I'm a woman?"   
"No, because you're a whore."   
"A WHAT!?

> "im a man NOT A WHORE." I flip the table, and pin him against the wall with my massive dick

"Don't fucking play dumb with me Watson Fondle. I know exactly who you are. You're a goddamn murderer, and you don't get to be a lawyer."

> "No I'm not!" I scream, dick out. "I am a detective. I dont want to be a lawyer. I just solve crimes and get laid."

"Fine then, you're a whore. But you better start getting used to being called that, because if you keep calling yourself a detective, the cops are gonna think its some sort of sick joke."   
"Oh shit! Stop it!

> "I am a detective. A whore detective," I say seductively.

"Shut up bitch! Get off me!"  
"Stop it right there! I said shut up!"   
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just stop it. We both know you're a whore.

> "Yeah but you like it like that."

"Fuck you, Watson Fondle. You wanna be a whore? Go ahead. Be one."   
"Nah, I ain't fuckin' doing it."   
"Then you better change your mind quick or I'm gonna make sure you never see the inside of a courtroom again."

> "The only thing I want to see the inside of is you," I lick my lips.

"Hey, hey, calm down. I wasn't threatening you. I was just saying I'd make sure you never got into any kind of trouble ever again."   
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. What the hell does that matter anyway?

> I sigh. Seems he doesn't want my dick after all. It is a shame, I fuck well.

"Alright, alright, I understand what you mean. You really do love the attention. Well let's go back to my office where we can talk about this later when we're alone."   
"Great. Good luck on your case."

> I follow him to his office and wait, naked and ready.

You enter the room and find him sitting at his desk. He looks up from his papers as you walk in. "Hello Watson Fondle."   
"Hi."  
"So, how did your day go?"   
"It went fine. I solved a murder case.

> But now, I want you"#

"That's good. I like cases that involve solving them."   
"Well, I guess you'll have to come up with something for me though. How about 'Watson Fondle is a slut.'"   
"I don't think so."   
"Why not?

> "It's true, I am a slut," I bat my eyelashes at him and seductively present myself.

"I'm sorry Watson Fondle, but I don't think that's going to work."  
"What?! Why not?!"  
"Because you're a man and I'm a woman. As far as I'm concerned, you're still a man and I'm still a woman."

> "But you're man?"

"Yes, I am. And no, I'm not changing my mind."   
"Okay then, you're a lesbian."   
"Are you kidding me? That's ridiculous! Are you fucking high?"   
"Probably."

> Well, whatever. I cry as I pull out my dick and sadly wank alone in front of him.

"Well, if you insist. But I'm sure you've got some other ideas of what to write next."   
"Oh yes, because that would be hilarious. Let's say you had sex with a bunch of women."   
"No way! That wouldn't even make sense!

> "Of course not, because you only have sex with me."

"Ha ha ha!"   
"Anyway, I need to get back to work. See ya around." You leave the office and head home.

> Shag Holmes is waiting for me at home.

You arrive home and Sherlock is there waiting for you.   
"Good evening Watson."   
"Hello Sherlock. I hope everything worked out with your case."   
"It did, didn't it?"   
"Yes, but why are you here?"   
"To give you a present."

> "What is this gift?" I ask, hard already

"A present."   
"Is it a gun?"   
"No, it's more than that. It's an invitation to a party."   
"Party? What kind of party?"   
"It's a big one. A very important one."   
"What does it involve?

> "I just want to spend time with you."

Sherlock smiles and kisses you on the cheek before walking off. "Yeah, that was nice."   
You say. "Thank you."

> "Kiss me more, Shag."

You quickly grab his hand and begin kissing him passionately. He responds by wrapping his arms around you and begins caressing your body. Your hands move down to his trousers and start pulling them down, which causes him to moan loudly in pleasure.

> "I just removed your trousers, you dirty boy," I smirk.

"Hahaha, yeah... I like when you do that."   
"So what's the party all about?"   
"It involves lots of alcohol and..."   
"And what?"   
"...a lot of pussy."   
"That doesn't sound too exciting.

> "I only like dicks, not pussy."

"Ooh, I know what you mean. I don't really enjoy parties where everyone has their faces buried in each others' pussies."   
"Really? Is that so bad?

> "Why don't we just stay home?" I ask seductively, stroking down his erection through his boxers.

"I don't think so, I'd rather go out and have fun than stay inside and drink."   
"Then how about we go to a club?"   
"A club? Where?"   
"Anywhere that has lots of people drinking alcohol. We can pick any place we like."

> "No, I want to stay at home," i kiss his neck.

"Well, okay then. But I'm going to be wearing something sexy tonight."   
"Okay, fine. Let's go shopping tomorrow night."

> "I don't want you wearing anything right now. Strip."

"Fine, but I want you to wear something sexy."   
"Anything sexy."   
"I'll take my shirt off if you let me touch your cock." You strip naked and get into bed.   
Sherlock gets on top of you and starts kissing up your body.

> I moan and touch his cock with wild abandon. I lube up my ass.  
Your fingers trace over his shaft as you grind against him. His hands wander further down your body and he grabs hold of your breasts while continuing to kiss you. He pushes himself deeper into you until you feel the tip of his cock enter your tight little asshole.

> "Oh Sherlock!" I moan. "Fuck my ass harder!"

He does exactly that and soon you're feeling every inch of his dick deep inside you.   
"Ah fuck! Fuck my ass hard!" You cry out.   
"Mmmm, good girl." He moans.

> "I'm a boy," I moan even as he fucks my ass. I touch my own dick.

"Yeah, I'm a boy."   
"Let me show you how it feels to be fucked by a real man."   
"What?"   
"Just trust me, baby. Just relax and let me do all the work."

> "Oh fuck me, daddy/"

"Yes, yes, baby. That's it. Ohhh yessss...." His hands start caressing your chest and you begin to grind up against him. Your hips move back and forth slightly as you try to make love to a guy instead of a girl.

> I moan as he continues to fuck my ass. "Oh go harder on my ass, oh im so close." I touch my straining shaft.

"Yes, yes, baby. That's it. Ohhhhh yessss...." Sherlock begins thrusting faster and harder into your ass. He keeps fucking you as fast as he can without coming too quickly or too slowly causing you to come prematurely.

> "OH SHERLOCK COME INSIDE ME," I scream.

Suddenly, Sherlock pulls out of you and says "I need to clean myself off first." You grab your clothes and run upstairs. The next day you find out that John was murdered the previous night.

> We hold a funeral for John. Me and Sherlock have sad sex and then we start finding his murderer.

The next morning you wake up and find that Sherlock has been found dead from an apparent heart attack.   
"Shit! What the hell happened?!" You exclaim. "We were having fun last night!"   
"It wasn't just us, John died too." Mary adds.

> "Everyone's dead," i cry. "Is life worth living anymore?"

"Maybe not...but what about you? Who will take care of us when we die?" Mary looks at you sadly.   
"Well, we're going to have to live together now." She says. You look at her and smile.   
"Goodbye, Mary Morstan."

> I jump off the building and splat against the floor.

You leap off the building and land heavily on the ground. You roll around and scream as you vomit blood onto yourself.   
"SHIT! FUCKING BITCH!" You shout. "I'LL KILL YOU ALL AND DIE FOR MARY!"

> Then I die.

You fall asleep with your head in a bucket of ice water. You awake to find that you've been transported to the year 1884. You see a woman standing over you holding a knife to your throat. Her eyes are red and puffy, but she smiles at you.


End file.
